4. Playgrounds

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THIS WEEK?

Leah talks about how hard it is to be an adult and ways she can tell she’s no longer a kid.  She talks about how overwhelming it can be to be responsible for raising a kid in today’s day and age and she explores what she hopes to teach her son about the world around us.  Leah shares a Facebook post  that she wrote in September 2015 when she and her son, Isaac (age 2 at the time), went to the playground for the evening, and it didn’t go as planned.  At end the episode, Leah offers a reminder to parents for when things get stressful.

WHAT QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE?

1. There are 4 things that Leah talks about where can tell she’s actually an adult - do you agree with these her?  Do you do these things and, if you do, do you feel like more of an adult because you do?
2.  How does Laurie describe the Funny Farm?
3. If Leah was a Texas Hold’em hand  indicating her level of motherhood instincts, what numbers would she be?  
4. At the end of the episode, Leah mentions there are 4 takeaways from this episode - which is your favorite?

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Transcript

 Hi, I'm Leah. 3 of my strongest skills include writing, speaking, and overthinking, and over-feeling, literally everything in my life to a crazy, nuanced degree. I've decided to use 3 traits to create a podcast where you and I will share this space to talk about life and what makes it so tough sometimes, no matter what age or stage of life you're in. Welcome to The Leah Ideology Podcast. I'm your host, Leah Wagner. I'm so glad you're here. 

Hi, loves. Welcome back. I am so so so so, so happy that you decided to join us again. Or if this is your first time and you just happened to stumble across the podcast, I hope that you like what you hear and you want to stick around and tell your friends about it. I am loving giving this a try, I have no idea how it's going to turn out, I have no idea what the end result is going to be, I have no real goals for where this podcast is going to go. But right now, it feels good. It feels good talking to you. It feels good sharing this space with you. And I hope that you feel the same way. Because I'm really, I'm really digging it. 

Even though as I as I record this, earlier this week I posted in my Tiktok and Instagram stories, I showed you guys my office, which is downstairs inside my house. The house that I live in used to belong to the jeweler in my hometown, and he had added on an addition that made it his workshop in his home. So there's this additional room to my house that is kind of like his bonus room, right? Like we had all of Isaac's toys there for a while.  It's just like a catch all room of stuff, right? So when I decided to do this podcast, I thought I'm gonna clean all that out, I'm gonna use that space, and I'm gonna use it as recording space. And I went all out, because that's basically the only way I know how to be. There is like this really pretty curtain backdrop with lights and a ring light and, you know, multiple tables set up and all my equipment and all that kind of stuff. And then I realized once I recorded the first few episodes, I don't like the audio to them. So all of that work that I did to make this really beautiful. It was really beautiful space is all for naught. And I actually end up recording these episodes, in my bedroom closet amongst my clothes, I have to make my kid shut me inside. It's a whole thing. But this weekend, I'm actually James's house, I'm in his closet. We've pulled everything out of this closet, and he's moved, like I've backed myself in here. So I'm sitting, I just want to set the scene for you. I'm in this like this, this small closet sitting on a weighted blanket, trying to get the right acoustics for you guys. So that's just just to give you a little just to give a little taste of how committed we are to providing you with a good episode.

it's weird that you know, my kid's going to be nine, which means that I am going to be 39. Which means I'm basically an adult, I guess, at this point, which I think is interesting, because I feel like everybody didn't sign off on that. Feel like there was supposed to be more of a conversation before I became an adult. But here I am. And when I was a kid, and you can tell me if you agree with me or not, but when I was a kid, and I looked at somebody who was in their 30s or 40s Not only were they an adult, they were an adult who had their shit together. Like they probably knew how to do their taxes and sign up for car insurance, and do all those things that adults do. Now being 38 years old, and I look at other 38 year olds, I realized that is such a crock of shit. None of us know what we're doing. I am faking my way through every day to an embarrassing amount. However, there are some moments that I think to myself, oh my god, I think I'm growing up. Like I think I'm maybe I am an adult, you know? And those kinds of moments when they they they sneak up on me and they startle me a little okay. Okay, ways I know that I'm becoming an adult number one. Time changes. Okay, when I was a kid, I needed that time change where I got the extra hour of sleep and it blew my mind. It didn't make any sense to me in my head why anybody would not want this time change. It gave us additional sleep time. Why would you not want more sleep? But my parents and all these adults around me we're always saying but it gets so dark at night. I hate that we don't have the sun light. And I would always be like I don't understand that logic whatsoever. Y'all we get to sleep for longer. It's okay. Right? Not that long ago. Like, in my adult years, I found myself saying, this time change really gets to me because you know, the sun, we don't have as much sunlight. It's the it's the lack of sunlight. And I stopped myself and like, if I had pearls I would have grasped that I would have I want my stars I can't believe I'm turning into an adult. Right. So that was, that was a big one when I realized that I appreciate now the other time change where you get more sunlight as opposed to getting extra sleep when I was a teenager. That was a weird moment for me. That was a really weird moment for a number to one year for my birthday, which you guys, I love my birthday. I love it. I love talking about it. I love planning it. I love being in it's in its in its aura. I love it. I love it so much. And one year for my birthday I asked for wait for it. Love Lowe's gift cards. Um, I didn't, I had. That was that was a whole moment. For me. That was that was a really strange moment for me. Because normally, I am asking for things that are fun, which is literally anything other than Lowe's gift cards. But I realized at that point, there was a shift, there was a shift in my life, where I am now excited about fun things like Lowe's gift cards. So it was a weird moment getting those gift cards for your birthday and being genuinely excited about it. That's a weird moment. That's a moment that you know you're you're becoming an adult

number three, you guys 9pm is late now. 9pm is is basically the middle of the night. 9pm means that the morning is coming soon. Dawn is about to break. I am in bed you guys, but like, like eight o'clock, maybe if it's winter time and the sun is going down sooner, maybe I can squeeze in a 730 I go to bed as soon as it is like acceptable for me to go to bed. So that was another indication that maybe I might be getting old. But the final one, the one that I really want to talk about is that here's the thing, you guys and I don't want you to judge me for this. I don't want you to like to hold it against me or anything. But I watch the news now. Like I seek it out. I seek it out to watch it to pay attention to its content. I know all the reporters and the correspondents, they're like people that I look forward to spending time with during the day I watch the news. And I remember distinctly when I was in high school, my most favorite teacher, his name was Mr. Guyardo. And he taught civics and American Studies. And one of the requirements for his class was to watch a news show every Sunday morning called Meet the Press. We were supposed to watch Meet the Press every Sunday. And then be prepared for questions that he would potentially ask us that week from Meet the Press. I was, I don't know. 1615 1617 years old, something like that. And I thought this assignment was atrocious. I thought this was like, what he wants us to sit down and listen to these guys talk about stuff that's going on in the world. It made no sense to me none and I hated it. Every single every single Sunday, I sat there and watched Meet the Press while wanting to just gouge my eyes out. Okay, so that's where I'm coming from. That's where that's my history. With watching the news. Fast forward now I'm age 38. And a couple of weeks ago, I was watching the news. I was watching CBS Sunday mornings with trumpets doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, doo guys. It's amazing. If maybe I'm just geeking out because I love music stuff and like I'm a musician at heart and I love but that trumpet call on Sunday mornings is is everything to me. So anyway, we were watching CBS Sunday mornings, we heard the trumpet the reporter was Lesley Stahl. Okay, she was doing a story on this woman who lives in New Jersey, okay, like Southern New Jersey. And she has this farm at her home called the funny farm. Okay. It's a nonprofit, Animal Sanctuary. And every animal who lives on this property or who comes to this rescue is a rescue as either an abused animal and abandoned animal a disabled animal. And, and that's what she does. That's what her life's work is. Her name is Laurie. The Leschi and she was amazing. You know, sometimes you can just see people talk, or hear them talking, you just like feel their good energy. Like you just know that this is a good person. That's what I got when I watched Laurie do this interview. And she's talking about all these animals and how much she loves her job and all this kind of stuff. And it was fascinating because I'm also an animal lover, right? Well, the reporter lesley stahl asked Laurie who owns the farm. She asked her this for those people who maybe have never been here or have never even heard of the funny farm. How would you describe it? And Laurie said this. I say it's heaven on earth, especially for animals. And for people, because when you walk through the gates, you can feel the inner peace and harmony because we all get along here.

This segment went on to show these amazingly perfect animal pairs of different species. So there was like a goat and an emu who were like best friends. There was a donkey and a llama. And they were like bestie booze, there was a steer, and an alpaca, and they were best friends. I think that stuff is so amazing. And I know that there's a whole science to it with the imprinting, and you know all that, but I just, I just think there's something really beautiful at the core of it when two things who are just completely on alike and may communicate in completely different ways. Find a connection with each other. So I was hooked. I was hooked to this new segment, I'll put it in the show notes because I think it's worth seeing. I think it's worth taking a look at this story. warmed my heart, it was so sweet. during that interview, Lesley Stahl made a reference to a song lyric. And the song lyric was from Roger and Hammerstein in 1959, classic, South Pacific and you guys, okay, I love me some Broadway, if you can just be very honest, I love live theater, musicals. But oh, my goodness, I love it so much. So when she quoted South Pacific, I was like this segment, this new segment could not be any more perfect for me. This is the quote that she used. She said something along the lines of so living here, everybody gets along. It's, it's kinda like that song from South Pacific, you've got to be clearly taught. And when she referenced that, I was like, I need to look that up. I love song lyrics. I'm a lyric listener, I love listening to the lyrics of songs. It's what gets me every time. And I want to read you the lyrics to this because not only was this in Roger and Hammerstein in 1959, South Pacific, it was also covered in 2020, by James Taylor. Okay, so this definitely has some racial overtones, this definitely has some, some of that vibe to it. And if you think about it, 1959 There was some serious racial issues going on in our country. And in 2020, James Taylor saying and again to reintroduce these words, and this this music to our country, because we're very obviously still struggling with these things, right? I want to read you these words, because I bawled my eyes out when I read it, and I'm in the shownotes. I'm also going to put James Taylor's version of him singing the song because it is exquisite. These are the lyrics to you've got to be carefully taught by Roger and Hammerstein. You've got to be taught to hate and fear. You've got to be taught from year to year. It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear. You've got to be carefully taught. You've got to be taught to be afraid of people whose eyes are oddly made. And people whose skin is a different shade. You've got to be carefully taught. You've got to be taught before it's too late before you're six or seven or eight. To hate all the people that your relatives hate. You've got to be carefully taught

oh my god, it's so good. Right? It's so good. And if you go to my website: www.theleahideologypodcast.com and go to Episode Four. You can hear James Taylor sing it. And it's even more perfect than just than just hearing the words hearing him sing. It is just something that everybody needs to experience at least once in their life. I think I'm with every parent when I say I hope that I'm not teaching him hate. I hope that that hate is not something that is emanating off of me and something that he will pick up and learn And then do himself. But fear. Ah, I would say that the jury's still out on that one. I'm certainly not teaching him to fear based on eye shape or skin color, like the song suggests. But am I teaching him how to be fearful in general, I don't know how I'm not the world out there. The world outside the four walls of my house is so wild right now. Right? Like off the top of my head. Here are some things that like are stressing me out and causing me anxiety like, regularly. Okay, gas prices, insane. Inflation in general, it costs a million dollars to do anything. There was a baby food shortage. There was a tampon shortage. There was the January 6 insurrection there's a war in Ukraine. And it was just not that long ago that Amber Heard took a shit on Johnny Depp's bed, I was captivated by that it was like the reality TV show that I didn't know that I needed. The thought of needing to raise a child in today's day and age is crippling to me sometimes I'm barely an adult myself, right. And as far as being a mom, I just feel like I wasn't dealt a winning hand when it comes to my motherly instincts and abilities. So if I'm a Texas Hold'em poker hand, okay, I would be like a five and a seven other moms like the moms who have homemade meals every night with their kids, and the ones who have perfect birthday parties and the ones who who cook all of the things with all of the food groups represented. These are the pocket ace moms, these are the pair of queens right off the bat, I am not those moms, like I said, I'm like a five or a five and seven dealt to you. It's not an awful hand. It's not a great hand. But it's not an awful hand. But it's not a great hand. That's me as a mom. It feels like some women are just dealt the right amount of momming. And I kind of got whatever was scraped at the bottom of the barrel. Like some moms are so good at classroom parties and volunteering and have everything going in the mom gene. Right? If momming was the Olympics, we all know the moms that would get like gold and silver places, right? So it's very easy for me to look at these moms, it's very easy for me to look at myself and compare myself to these moms and think that I'm not good enough, when your kid is the only one not wearing a green shirt on St. Patrick's Day, or when you forget to feed your kid breakfast in the morning. So you tell him to just eat the goldfish that are spilled out on the backseat of the car. Or when your kid has to remind you to go to the grocery store. It's easy to fall into a place of thinking that motherhood isn't my place at all.

When Isaac was born in 2013, and I started writing posts on Facebook, it was to share stories and to cope with new motherhood. But it unexpectedly turned into a fun way to document our early years as a new family of three. I was reading through posts and sorting through what stories would make sense to share with you on our podcast. And I came across this particular post that I wrote in September of 2015. Isaac would have been too. We were living in the Pittsburgh area at the time and in the evenings after work. And after I would get home from daycare. Sometimes we would go to the playgrounds in the area. And I wrote this post after one of those playground visits and I thought that it fit well with the episode this week. Written September 2015. This is playgrounds. Playgrounds can be a difficult thing. You never know what the proper protocol is. Do you let your kid climb up the slides? Or they only for sliding down? How much do you hover over your kid to make sure they don't fall and get hurt. If you look at your phone while your kid is playing? Well, all the other parents assume that you're a disinterested mom. One thing that is constant is there is always that one kid, usually around nine or 10 years old, who runs around like a maniac and dominates the whole playground. Tonight, Isaac encountered the dominator. It was a chance collision where both boys were playing and they just happened to run into each other. But rather than shake it off and continue on their way the dominator shoved Isaac onto the ground and said get out of the way you little faggot. You think you know what you would do in moments like that? If this situation had been presented to me as a What would you do? situation I would have answered Oh Oh, that's an easy question, I would walk right over to that kid and tie his body into a knot around the monkey bars similar to a pretzel. But when it happened in real life, when I actually saw that situation play out in front of me, I froze. I took a moment to look around for a parent who might come and discipline their kid, but no one came. And my focus was instantly directed to Isaac, who was running to me crying. And he looked at me as if to say, what just happened? Why would he do that? And I struggled to find the words, the right words to answer his sad and confused eyes. I wanted to say, It's okay, honey, I will avenge you and I will get that kid to pay for what he did. I wanted to say, Well, I hope that kids likes pretzels, because he's about to be tied up like one from the fireman's pole. I wanted to say, wait here, shield your eyes. Mama's got this. And it ain't gonna be pretty. But I didn't say that. I didn't say any of those things. I gave Isaac a hug, and calmly said, but sometimes kids aren't nice to other kids. And they say things that they shouldn't say. And I think these are the kids that we need to have really, really big hearts for. Because these are the kids that probably don't have as much love in their lives as they deserve to have. And honestly, in that moment, I don't know if I was talking more to Isaac, or talking more to myself. Two year olds can be a difficult thing. You never know what they hear what they understand and how they interpret things. Isaac kept playing, but he kept his eye on the dominator, and as to die. When we went to leave, Isaac held up his finger to me, and he said, Mom might be right back. To my surprise, he ran over to the dominator. And he hugged him. And then the most surprising thing happened. The Dominator hugged him back. Parenting can be a difficult thing. You never know if you're doing the right thing. You never know how your actions or your words will affect your kid. And there's always a situation that arises where you have absolutely no idea what to do. But then you see your kid throw the first hug.

You see him extend kindness to someone who didn't extend it to him. You see him love. And in that very brief moment, you realize that every time you doubted yourself as a parent, every time you thought you messed him up by something you did or said, every time you thought you failed. It turns out you offset it with love, and grace.

There are a few takeaways here. Number one, if you try to call or text me after 9pm, there is a 100% chance I've already fallen into my deep REM sleep for the night. Okay, let's not forget that from earlier in the episode number two, James Taylor may actually be an angel on Earth. Oh my god, go listen to the song. Number three, if hate and fear can be taught, then grace and love can be taught. I'll say it again. If hate and fear can be taught, then grace and love can be taught. And finally, number four, and this is the one I need you to kind of lock in with me here. Number four. I know what it feels like. I know what it feels like to want to do the right thing for your kid, but also having no idea what that thing is. I know what it feels like to think you're doing the right things only to have everyone around you make you feel like you did the wrong thing. I know what it feels like to have the weight of the world on your shoulders. And as you're using all of your strength and all of your mind and all of your grit to hold it together. You feel the tiny tug of a small hand On your pant leg. And you remember that you are also responsible for this child. I know what that feels like. So here's what I'm giving us permission to do. You and me, here's what I want us to take away from this. This is what I took away from rereading this playgrounds post now with seven years under my belt since it happened. And here's what I want to share with you.

Being human with our kids is okay. And reminding them that others are human, even the ones that hurt us. This is a lesson that some adults don't even learn, right. So let's start these reminders when our kids are young, to try to create healthy human being habits as early as possible, starting with our mindset, and how we view others. Also, when you see your kid showing good human behavior, when you see your kid doing it when you see your kid offer kindness, empathy, helpfulness, grace, love. When you see these moments, no matter how brief or fleeting, they are, love, I hope you take the time to pause, pause, acknowledge and celebrate the good that you're doing the good that you are putting into the world. If we're going to beat up and blame ourselves, for all the things our kids do wrong, which we know we do, nobody is harder on us than us, right? I think gosh, I beg you to do everything you can to Remember to pause and celebrate the moments where you see it working. This is a marathon, not a sprint love. We got to celebrate those wins along the way. 

Thank you so much for spending some time with me this week. If you want to see the show notes from the episode. Take a look at my website www.theleahideologypodcast.com And then you can navigate your way to episode number four new episodes come out every single Wednesday, so I can't wait to release a new episode next week. In the meantime, reach out to me on socials. I can't wait to hear what you have to say about the episode rate review and share the podcast that would be awesome. And don't forget that throughout this week when you're just trying to get through it no matter what it is. I hope you know that I am rooting for you. I'll see you next week.